Better Day

Yesterday was a better day because at our church, The River in Cambridge, Md. the Pastors opened the church to the Holy Spirit and let Him run the service, which they often do. When you praise God He is right there in the midst of everything as well as His angels. Angels hearken ( listen, pay attention) to the word of God so as soon as you speak scripture they are right there listening & taking your prayers to Abba our Father in heaven. I cannot describe how awesome the prescence of God is when He is right there with you and filling the sanctuary, or any place you praise Him. King David often spoke of God and praising him in the sanctuary in the Old Testament. He had a very close relationship with God, our Father, our creator. We need the same close relationship as our Father loves us so very much. He absolutely loves it when we spend time with Him. 

Granted, calling God Abba, Father is painful and offensive to many people because their fathers caused so much pain in their lives. Just hearing the word father offends them. I know from experience as my father was an abusive alcoholic. He loved us but became overwhelmed trying to provide for a family on the little wages he made. He turned to alcohol for solace and not to God. My mother made sure me, and my siblings got to church on the Sunday school bus each weak and I'll be forever grateful to her for that. I came to know God as the most loving, gentle and kind Father ever & I love Him with everything in me. He takes such good care of me and my family and I praise Him daily now no matter what my circumstances are that day. Believe me there are days I just want to scream and run away, but when I calm down and realize it's our enemy, the devil, trying to make me depressed, give up, etc. I run to my Father instead. It turns out to be a much better day by the end of the day because I called out to Him with my broken heart. There are a lot of times when I feel like He doesn't hear me, that He's not even listening, but He is. I became so angry with Him for " allowing" my ex-husband to cause us to lose everything due to a rampant cocaine addiction and infidelity that I walked away from Him for 10 years. I didn't realize it was my ex's decision to do what he did as God gives us free will and hopes we make the right decision...obviously he didn't, but it wasn't God's fault. I got into witchcraft and all kinds of bad things, but He was still with me even though I walked away from Him. His word, the Bible, says he will never leave us or forsake (desert) us, and He never has. When I had my brain aneurysm and surgery it was touch and go for a while. My mother said a nurse named John sat right beside me and didn't move for 3 days. When I came to myself, I wanted to thank him and was told that no John worked there. After waking up for a brief moment and seeing him I feel in my heart that it was Jesus as when He smiled at me peace lit up the room and I was home in a little over 2 weeks. I am truly a walking miracle.

When I stop and remember how faithful God and Jesus have been, how can I have a bad day. Yes, as they say, bad things happen to good people. We just need to praise God and ask Him to get us through it. He will if we ask. He has always been faithful to honor His word and His promises in the Bible. I may sound a bit glib at the moment, but believe me, I'm in an uphill battle daily. I have learned to ask Jesus to help me to get through each day and He does. If it wasn't for God's love and grace I wouldn't be here after losing my husband and my world falling apart quite literally. I'll never be the same again I feel, but God still has a plan for my life. I simply have to let him lead me and guide me. Believe me it's quite hard to do that some days as I'm still a bit of a control freak. When you are a control freak you think that if you give up the control your world will fall apart. It won't, but it's a huge adjustment you have to learn to deal with. I'm a fixer, as well. When I give up and give it to God because I cannot take anymore, I usually get impatient and try to do it myself. Of course, it doesn't work because I gave it to God. I'm working on that as well. I suppose we're all a work in progress, but patience is not one of my strong suits.

When all is said and done at the end of the day, usually it's a bit better than it started out. Sometimes nighttime is quite depressing as I still miss my husband terribly and he's not here to have dinner with, hug me, hold me when we go to bed, be my companion and just be there after work. There are times I start to call his cell phone, wait for him to walk in the door, and see him out of the corner of my eye. It takes me a minute, and after a good cry, I realize all of that is over. I will, however, spend eternity with him in heaven. That in itself makes me smile and the day turns out to be a bit better in a bittersweet sort of way.