Jesus

Yesterday was a better day because at our church, The River in Cambridge, Md. the Pastors opened the church to the Holy Spirit and let Him run the service, which they often do. When you praise God He is right there in the midst of everything as well as His angels. Angels hearken ( listen, pay attention) to the word of God so as soon as you speak scripture they are right there listening & taking your prayers to Abba our Father in heaven. I cannot describe how awesome the prescence of God is when He is right there with you and filling the sanctuary, or any place you praise Him. King David often spoke of God and praising him in the sanctuary in the Old Testament. He had a very close relationship with God, our Father, our creator.

It has been a little over 2 years since Charlie went home to be with Jesus. I often visit his grave just to feel close to part of him that's left here on earth. It may sound silly, but I can pour out my heart and no one hears except me and God. Sometimes it is quite cathartic, a way to release your frustrations and anxiety in complete privacy. I cannot say it is always good things; in fact I was quite angry with him (one of the stages of grief) and literally said all the things I didn't have the chance to hash out with him because he was taken way too soon. Even though it has been two years I still am grieving, lonely and lost. After 33 years, half of my life with having someone to share your life with, good or bad, I am at a loss.

    It has been a year and a half since my husband, Charlie, went home with Jesus and I still miss him daily. I ask my Father in heaven, Abba, to get me through each day and He does, even though I don't feel Him, but I know He is there catching each tear and grieving with me. At the same time, Charlie is spending time with Jesus, Abba, Moses and all the saints he has the privilege to be with each day. These thoughts of the beauty, the loving people he's with for all eternity makes me smile, as well as the fact that I'll be with him again for all eternity some day. 

   I was in the shower and a scripture popped in my head ( that often happens) concerning marriage after our spouse dies. It says that "we are neither married or given in marriage in heaven, upon the resurrection, that we are like God's angels" ( Mark 12:25) : Luke 20:34-36 says pretty much the same thing. It has very much added to my sorrow even though I knew that my marriage ended when my husband died. I mean, it makes perfect sense because the church, Christ's body of believers, will be His bride in the new earth and being married to someone else would be adultery. I suppose, as well, that having glorified bodies it would be hard to snuggle anyway. Charlie had to snuggle with me to be able to sleep because he was afraid; I was his security blanket.