Heavenly Reunion

   I was in the shower and a scripture popped in my head ( that often happens) concerning marriage after our spouse dies. It says that "we are neither married or given in marriage in heaven, upon the resurrection, that we are like God's angels" ( Mark 12:25) : Luke 20:34-36 says pretty much the same thing. It has very much added to my sorrow even though I knew that my marriage ended when my husband died. I mean, it makes perfect sense because the church, Christ's body of believers, will be His bride in the new earth and being married to someone else would be adultery. I suppose, as well, that having glorified bodies it would be hard to snuggle anyway. Charlie had to snuggle with me to be able to sleep because he was afraid; I was his security blanket. That's one reason I stayed with him and held him as he died. I didn't want him to be afraid. 

    If I want to be truly honest my husband and I were pretty much down to being best friends near the end of his life before COVID took him. As he was in the latter stages of Alzheimer's disease he sometimes forgot we were married so, I suppose seeing him in heaven when my time comes won't be too very different. I guess I am reaching the acceptance stage of grief now, even though the steps are not linear and come and go depending on the day. I visited his grave today and told him goodbye as my husband, even though in my heart he always will be. I actually sat on his grave and had a really good cry. I don't know how many people do this type of thing, but it felt right for me. From what I know and understand we'll know our loved ones and spend time with them in heaven; I just don't know to what extent. I suppose there is no way of knowing until that day comes. I understand, as well, that each individual grieves in their own fashion and has their own unique belief of the afterlife. I also understand that grieving spouses are left to believe they will see their spouses again one day if they are believers, and they will, but most are not told, nor do they realize unless they know scripture, that being a widow/widower is true even in heaven. I don't see this as deceitful , but compassionate. It is the most painful thing you will ever deal with if you truly loved your spouse. Your whole life is literally torn in half. Life as you knew it is permanently over. I have lost children and it was very painful, but nothing is as painful as losing someone you truly planned to spend the rest of your life with. When you marry you quite literally are united as one, one spirit, in God's eyes. I made sense of it as in the wedding vows, "Until death do you part".

   I guess it's just been a day of epiphanies for me...wanted or not.. Jesus does tell us mourners are comforted and He keeps His word. Perhaps realizing this at this time will aid me in being able to better cope with my husband's death. Only time will tell. I am still extremely depressed and cry every day, which is normal as it's still "fresh", but somehow perhaps this realization will help with some of the pain; that we won't reunite as a married couple per se', but we will still love each other and be the best of friends. I'll settle for that if that's the way it will be.  At least I will be with him.