heaven

    It has been a year and a half since my husband, Charlie, went home with Jesus and I still miss him daily. I ask my Father in heaven, Abba, to get me through each day and He does, even though I don't feel Him, but I know He is there catching each tear and grieving with me. At the same time, Charlie is spending time with Jesus, Abba, Moses and all the saints he has the privilege to be with each day. These thoughts of the beauty, the loving people he's with for all eternity makes me smile, as well as the fact that I'll be with him again for all eternity some day. 

   I was in the shower and a scripture popped in my head ( that often happens) concerning marriage after our spouse dies. It says that "we are neither married or given in marriage in heaven, upon the resurrection, that we are like God's angels" ( Mark 12:25) : Luke 20:34-36 says pretty much the same thing. It has very much added to my sorrow even though I knew that my marriage ended when my husband died. I mean, it makes perfect sense because the church, Christ's body of believers, will be His bride in the new earth and being married to someone else would be adultery. I suppose, as well, that having glorified bodies it would be hard to snuggle anyway. Charlie had to snuggle with me to be able to sleep because he was afraid; I was his security blanket.

For the past 32 years I have held the title of "wife". Now, after my husband went home to be with Jesus several months ago I am  titled "widow". This is an extremely difficult transition to deal with. Although I am still the much loved daughter of the Most High God, it is very devastating to say the least. I awaken each morning and he is not there; I go to bed each night and he is not there; I start to prepare dinner, when I feel like eating, and he is not there to "help me" in the kitchen. I feel like half of me is missing and I am not me anymore. I still cannot go to the grocery store without breaking down and having panic attacks often.