A pair of migrating American Wigeon ducks seen at Great Marsh Park in Cambridge, Maryland on March 26th at 3:04pm. They originated in Texas and were here where I saw them for the first time. They are a mating pair as they mate for life is what the information, I looked up online, stated about them. It was amazing that they would travel this far, and farther, on their journey and I was able to witness this fascinating looking pair of ducks. 

I was just texting my younger son and the subject of being grateful no matter what came up. It dawned on me that although I thank Abba (Father God) each day for just being able to wake up to face another day is truly a gift after some of the things I have been through. I have been doing more complaining than speaking thankfulness for sure for a while now. My family is telling me so pretty much every day, "stop complaining". I absolutely got a good taste of the complaint train with a high school friend of mine I reconnected with. It was literally nonstop pages of text complaints all hours of the day and night. One time it was 3 am and she couldn't sleep so she began texting me assuming my phone was on silent...it should have been I thought.

Have you ever had a total God Day? That is a day where everything you do, or do not do, falls into place like puzzle pieces, something you have been praying for and out of the blue it comes to you. I had one of those a few weeks ago. As I have said before, I am living with my son and family after my husband died.

After 2 long, painful, frustrating, and lonely years I have decided it is time for me to start the difficult journey of starting over, again. God willing this will be the last time I will have to start over. When I answered the call to ministry, I understood that it would not be an easy path, but no earthly idea I would go through such literal hell here on earth. Of course, I know being a Christian is not always a bowl of cherries either. The enemy, Satan, hates Christians and would love to get us away from Jesus. He has not the power to do so, but he can make your life so difficult you sometimes choose to give up on your faith and walk away.

Today I filled out a rental application and income verification for a house nearby. I have been praying for a house since before Charlie died. The other day I told God that I was not going to give up asking until He gave me a house, preferably my own house on my own land, but I told Him it could be a trailer in the middle of a field. In the Bible Jesus tells a parable concerning a widow who had been wronged and went to the judge about it. She pestered him so much that he granted her what she wanted to simply shut her up (Luke 18:2- 5). I was thinking that maybe I could do the same thing since Jesus talked about it. I am not telling anyone to do this, but we all have a unique relationship with God and He knows what we need and when. 

Yesterday was a better day because at our church, The River in Cambridge, Md. the Pastors opened the church to the Holy Spirit and let Him run the service, which they often do. When you praise God He is right there in the midst of everything as well as His angels. Angels hearken ( listen, pay attention) to the word of God so as soon as you speak scripture they are right there listening & taking your prayers to Abba our Father in heaven. I cannot describe how awesome the prescence of God is when He is right there with you and filling the sanctuary, or any place you praise Him. King David often spoke of God and praising him in the sanctuary in the Old Testament. He had a very close relationship with God, our Father, our creator.

I suppose this post is a get it off my chest post, to a point as today has been a very frustrating day, to put it mildly, to be honest. The bad part is that I can't even write about what upsets or frustrates me the most because my kids will read this as they have access to it.

I just have to give God the glory for a wonderful, and much needed, answer to prayer. Today my grandson saw his orthopedist and was told, after taking an xray of his hip, that he was good to go to start physical therapy. My grandson is special needs so it has been especially hard for him and his dad because he takes him to all of his doctor's appointments. He has such a rare disorder that he literally has a team of doctors and I pray for the mind of Christ for all of them. I automatically thanked Abba (God) for answered prayer and if I could I would jump up and down. 

It has been a little over 2 years since Charlie went home to be with Jesus. I often visit his grave just to feel close to part of him that's left here on earth. It may sound silly, but I can pour out my heart and no one hears except me and God. Sometimes it is quite cathartic, a way to release your frustrations and anxiety in complete privacy. I cannot say it is always good things; in fact I was quite angry with him (one of the stages of grief) and literally said all the things I didn't have the chance to hash out with him because he was taken way too soon. Even though it has been two years I still am grieving, lonely and lost. After 33 years, half of my life with having someone to share your life with, good or bad, I am at a loss.

    It has been a year and a half since my husband, Charlie, went home with Jesus and I still miss him daily. I ask my Father in heaven, Abba, to get me through each day and He does, even though I don't feel Him, but I know He is there catching each tear and grieving with me. At the same time, Charlie is spending time with Jesus, Abba, Moses and all the saints he has the privilege to be with each day. These thoughts of the beauty, the loving people he's with for all eternity makes me smile, as well as the fact that I'll be with him again for all eternity some day.